NaNoWriMo Drop-out!

Here it is, November 30th and I can officially tag myself as NaNoWriMo ‘Drop-Out! I’ve ‘dropped out’ of a few things in my life; failed relationships, a pick up volleyball game, a few rambunctious parties, and even a church that just wasn’t my niche. Once I got ‘Kicked-out’ of Sunday school and even 4-H club but don’t be too hard on me, I was only ten or eleven and I was just trying to blend in on both accounts.


But golly, I truthfully never meant to be a drop-out of NaNo. That surely rings out like I’m a quitter; ugh! Typically, committment means a great deal to me so when I make one, I follow through to the end, I soldier on and all that stuff...well, that was until; hmmm...

For those of you who don’t know what NaNO is, let me explain. The entire month of November is dedicated to writing a novel of a minimum of 50,000 words. Individuals, who are writers, or aspire to be writers, work diligently to wrap up the arduous task of crossing this goal line before midnight on the last day of the month; I aspired as well!

I signed up for the contest and anxiously awaited for opening day. For the first week, I typed, I typed and typed some more. My diligence led to an accomplishment of 6,393 words. Although temporarily, I was neglecting my husband and my son as well as ignoring the book I had just signed a contract to complete. My Life as a Dog… manuscript needed to be wrapped up so it could be sent to the editor. What was a gal to do?

Something had to give…so guess what it was? Yes, NaNoWriMo…hence, I’m a drop out! However, the dictionary defines a drop out to mean to withdraw from participation or membership. Gosh, that sounds so much better, doesn’t it? I had such high aspirations, too.

But here it is, closing day of the challenge and I’m no further along than the 6,393 words I’d compiled the first seven days. Again, UGH!!! I try my very best not to live off of Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda’s…I could’ve done it had I just not slept, I should have just sucked it up and plunged through to the end or I would have finished if I’d sacrificed everything; family included…

Even though I didn’t finish, I congratulate all my friends and those in the blog community who did complete the goal! Hurray for you! I mean that sincerely! You have a great deal to be proud of, so CONGRATULATIONS!

…and in closing, a toast to next year’s competition! Furthermore, may I not be a Drop-Out!

Here contains an earlier post to my quandry: http://thinkingspot-tracy.blogspot.com/2010/11/happy-writing.html

Honey, he's HOME!!!

I had the best sleep last night I've had since my son, Nicholas left last Saturday. If you stopped by last week, you caught my post on my boy being away from home for the holidays. If not, you can catch it here: http://thinkingspot-tracy.blogspot.com/2010/11/blessings-abound.html

As you can imagine, I could hardly contain myself or focus on much of anything until his plane touched down Sunday at 3:50pm. As much as we longed for his laugh, smiles and endless chatter, he had a marvelous time! I continue to gather such evidence from stories and experiences he shares from days in Ohio. And pictures...he loves to take photos so the following are memories he important to him that tells of his week with family!








a journey begins with a thousand steps...



Maddy, his best friend~



Golden Trees...

The cabins they stayed in; check out the wagon wheels...

...along the way...

A blanket of leaves...

Glassy wonder...

I love the beautiful sky...

And you can NOT leave the great Buckeye state without a donut
with scarlet and gray sprinkles...

As for this Mom, I'm sure glad he's home!

“Every parting is a form of death, as every reunion is a type of heaven.”
by Tryon Edwards



Three Things I think I think....

“Truth is one forever absolute, but opinion is truth filtered through the moods, the blood, the disposition of the spectator.”

by Wendell Phillips.

I don’t often dole out my opinions as a result of another fitting quote ‘Opinions are like ass-holes, everyone has them!’ ...while I am NOT a fan of that quote, it serves its purpose and typically if no one really cares to hear my opinions enough to ask, I don’t by and large serve them. So to share these things I think, is an opportunity for individuals to either agree, disagree, or sustain; take your pick~

1.) I was bid ‘good morning’ with the following AOL headline, German Zoo Forces Gay Vultures to Mate with Females. Really? Are we as humans so hungry for authority and control that we can’t allow two birds who have a strong desire to co-habitat alone to honor their natural instincts? Needless to say, I am irritated! Karen Carpenter said it best through her song of the 70’s, Bless the Beasts and the Children, for in this world they have no choice, they have no voice…

Not only are humans discriminating against these specific birds, but isn’t it enough that we abuse animals by forcing them to participate in wretched and vicious behaviors such as dog-fighting and puppy mills? We mistreat them by not taking responsibility to spay and neuter our animals then proceed to cast the puppies and kitties road-side as if they’re garbage. Many mishandle their animals by leaving them alone in the extreme elements to fend for themselves, beat them and starve them. I don’t know about you but whenever I see those SPCA commercials on television, I can’t dive to the remote fast enough to turn off the sadness. Have supremacy craving individuals grown so weary of bullying community members who are different that they’ve now become focused on innocent animals? Well, it infuriates me!

2.) I teach in a year round school and have been ‘tracked out’ for the last two weeks with one more week remaining including two workdays. I’ve developed a suitable routine of checking e-mail while I sip my coffee, then go to my blog and check comments; get my husband off to work. I take my walk and give thought to my writing and settle into the actual writing, then post.

I have had a superlative time meeting new people through the blogging community who possess incredibly innovative and talented skills. These people take astonishing photographs that tell stories of vast complexities, as well as people who eloquently write with their heart. I will truly be sad to return to work where my time and focus will be less than desired to cultivate these new relationships. So to all of my new followers, I welcome you into my blogging world; a humanity that allows me to share reflections of who I am as an individual. While there are too many to name specifically, if you'd like to escape in their wonderful talents please go to the plethora of blogs on my blog site; you'll be glad you did!

3.) Although Thanksgiving has passed, I never did make that list of things I am grateful for. Perhaps it is because I don’t need a specific day to declare my gratitude toward people or things; I hope my daily actions prove my thankfulness. However, I am truly thankful for the social network Facebook. Where else can every distinctive individual who has invested in me and comprised my life show up in one place reading quips of daily happenings, looking at photos of today’s loved ones and partaking in heartfelt emotions? I have facebook to thank which has connected me with all some childhood friends, previous teachers, college buddies, and connections from my world travels. From the help of Facebook, I have co-workers, past students and their families and my own personal family. All these people have felt the pulse of my life, and I have had the opportunity to keep track of the heartbeat of folks who have truly enriched my life!

And these, my friends are not things I think I think, but three things I know I think!

Photo Friday...

Long story short:  I say my husband forgot my birthday because he bought me a new Nikon SLR3100 camera but since he gave it to me nine days prior to my actual day and then made no mention of any such greeting on the actual day, well, you could conclude he forgot it, right? That morning, I hung onto every minute until he departed for work; I waited for coffee in bed? Perhaps the newspaper to go with it? Maybe even a simple wish or a kiss?

Nope, nothing…my husband of fifteen years had forgotten my birthday! So I sent an e-mail to his work on sweet muted purple paper with the glow of candles and plastered the words, ‘Happy Birthday to me!’ across the page.

He immediately responded and apologized profusely and although I’ll forever tease him about 'forgetting my birthday!', he’s right, he gave me a gift I’ve always wanted…now to learn how to use it.

The following photos are my trial and error examples:

Rollin' Along!

Foreclosure?

Friends~





Line Up!

All dressed up and nowhere to go...



Pink Pinwheels...



What a beauty...

Basketball Heaven~

Last one to leave, turn the lights out please...

If you have any suggestions, I'm open to learning!



Happy Thanksgiving?

"The human spirit is stronger than anything that happens to it."

---Unknown

I recognize you are most likely reading the above quote and thinking what does that have to do with Thanksgiving. Well, I’ll tell you. Growing up we had a house full of family for the Thanksgiving feast; aunts, uncles, cousins, Grandma…you name ‘em and they were gathered in our small ranch home.


The ceremonial dinner was planned for noon as always and my mom took immense pride in preparing the turkey dressed in its finest! The night before rituals commenced with the production of the homemade dressing and shoving it inside that colossal bird enough to feed near thirty people. She enclosed that fowl and placed the roaster within the oven and set it to activate at 4:00am. Swollen with pride and pleased with her labor we went to bed in anticipation for the gathering of our family the subsequent day.


The next morning I awoke and got a whiff of that brilliant smell of turkey roasting and grinned as I made a momentary look toward the clock: 7:00am. I rose out of bed and meandered into the kitchen and was shocked at the words gracing my ears, coming out of my mother’s mouth, a staunch Christian woman. ‘God-damn son of a b----, well sh—‘ words I am most certain I had never even heard before!


The smell of the bird had truly been in my year’s past mind. The oven failed had to turn on! My mom skittered around the kitchen slamming cupboards and the oven door, throwing pot holders and anything else she could get her hands on. She was swearing at the oven as if that would miraculously make it turn on or say, ‘Gosh, I’m sorry. Let’s try that again!


Meanwhile my sister and I took shelter. It was a wonder that raw bird and all that was stuffed up in it didn’t go flying through the kitchen, living room and any other room of the house…tears, curse words and flurry filled that humble abode and we were taking cover!


Well, no harm no ‘fowl’; hee hee! We may have had our Thanksgiving feast later than planned but it certainly made for amusement for the day and every gathering since. Each year following began with a ‘Ummm, that turkey sure smells good! Did you turn the oven on?’


So on this blessed day, may your oven turn on and everything go planned accordingly!

Blessings abound...

I miss my Nicholas, my little ‘Bug’ as I have christened him.


He is in Ohio spending time with family and friends. We exchanged him on Saturday and what I can gather from the thrifty phone calls he is having a great time with his Grandma, his Aunt Dawnie and his cousins. Although my heart aches for him, I am joyful they have the opportunity to get to be acquainted with him more as a person than from stories I share or pictures I send. It is at those times I inadvertently censor what they discover and hear about this young man of eleven. Now they have the chance to wrap themselves in him and experience the instances of his laughter, his smiles, his quips, his wit, perhaps his tears.

I adore my son, as most mothers do but I forever felt he actually belonged to God and we as parents were given him ‘on loan’ because such great promise was endeared to him. I wanted to be worthy of my role since the mere thought of him was my rescue from the savage battle of eating disorders and depression. Therefore, my joy and my life exists for nurturing the person he will grow to be.

I admire my son for his compassion and empathy at such a young age. This year his teacher e-mailed me that a new student had entered the classroom and Nicholas immediately offered to help the student get acquainted with the classroom routines. He had an extra binder so he gave it to the boy and helped him get organized for the rigors of the classroom. His teacher hoped it was okay.

I think highly of him for his honesty. A different teacher told me that he had handed back tests which Nicholas received a 100%. Nicholas went up to the teacher after class and told her that he couldn’t have gotten a 100% because he missed a question by forgetting to answer it.

I love him for his incredible sense of humor and his ability to see the positive in situations. He has to wear a face mask at night until January to pull his upper jaw forward. When the orthodontist was fitting it in the office, Nicholas quipped, ‘I feel like I’m in jail!’ He continually meets disappointments such as not being able to spend the night at a friend’s house with, ‘well, at least I get to spend more time with you and Dad!’ …forever the optimist.

My sister wrote on her facebook page after Nicholas went to spend the night at his Grandma’s house ‘I miss my nephew already and he is only 2 miles down the road. He’s such a sweetheart! Everyone deserves a Nicholas in their life. I love you Buddy!’ How can a parent not be proud!

He is traveling today to spend the remainder of his time until Sunday with his best friend Maddy and her family, or ‘his other family’ as he states. He is fiercely loyal; they have been best friends since second grade but despite the distance from Ohio to North Carolina, their friendship has remained strong and steady! What a blessing both of those children are to us from all who know them.

So I miss him deeply and when contemplating a ‘Thanksgiving’ theme for my blog today, what better way to present the holiday than with a massive proclamation; I am thankful for my little boy and the person he is becoming! But also, I thank you for listening to mother brag about how endearing her son is and how much I adore him. May you all be blessed with someone as special in your life, and until Nicholas returns home I must keep in mind;

“Missing someone gets easier every day. Because, even though it is one day further from the last time you saw each other, it is one day closer to the next time you will”

Ahhh, Amen to that!



the Morning Moon and Missed Moments....

No, this is not my photo, but portrayed the one I was trying to capture...

Before daybreak I was taking our dog, Hurricane out to go potty. He is afraid of the dark so someone must escort him to the deck stairs and linger while he does his business. Mind you, he watches us the entire time so we won’t leave him. Well, hah unbeknownst to him, I gazed upward and caught a glimpse of the most incredible moon peeking through the bare limbs of the trees.

I audibly gasped at its splendor and dashed into the house to get my camera. Well, CRIPES, when I found my place again on the deck, the moon had vanished behind a cloud.

I waited. And waited. And waited…while I remained still continuing to wait I pleaded with God to make it reappear once more so I could capture its image, it occurred to me that this was a moment of missed opportunity. How many of those in my lifetime have I failed to notice? What direction might my life’s journey proceeded if I’d been more prepared? Or more willing? Or more courageous? Or more something...

A few came to mind: I remember the 1984 Olympics when Mary Lou Retton performed in gymnastics. She received a perfect ten and won a gold medal for the United States. I played her identification number she wore on her back #105 in the lottery for weeks and weeks. I was sure it would come up with her good luck. Well, it didn’t and I eventually stopped playing it but still curiously glanced at the lottery numbers. One week later it appeared and the winner won thousands of dollars and it wasn’t me!

I met my adoring husband when I was thirty two years old; we married at thirty five while I continued to battle the eating disorders of anorexia and bulimia. I was approaching forty and felt my time ticking away to have children. I delivered Nicholas six months before I turned forty. If I hadn’t been so old, he may have been blessed with siblings instead of being the only child.

However, there were opportunities I was glad to have missed such as this one: when I was nine or ten my mom worked so we waited for our school bus alone. As I hung around the garage, a decrepit old car turned into our driveway. A filthy dirty man with meanness in his eyes was behind the wheel of that vehicle. He eerily stared as he invited and encouraged me to enter the automobile; he’d deliver me to school, he assured me. Something told me to back up and go inside the house. Once told, my mom called the police who came out to talk to me. When I hear of children being abducted and missing the alerts frequently take me back to that moment and seemingly enters my thoughts; what if?

We all have those moments of turning left when we should have turned right, zigged when we should have zagged, said ‘YES’ when we should have said ‘NO’ and vice versa. Some would identify it as making choices and conceivably they could be right. Conversely, what about those happenstances when there is/was no choice to be made such as not having my camera available? What are those moments entitled?

It happens, the moon did re-emerge and in my hurried pace to capture the reflection before it could once more evaporate, the picture blurred. While it is still striking, or maybe it’s the one I envision in my mind’s eye, it was gone…it was irretrievable.

Nothing is so often irretrievably missed as a daily opportunity.

~Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach