Sunday, June 20, 2010

Happy Father's Day!

Happy Father’s Day!

Throughout my life, Happy and Father are an oxymoron. I’ve never liked Father’s Day; imagine trying to make a choice for a card because it’s an obligatory deed, not really liking your father yet wanting to. Thrust upon us are ideals of the ‘perfect’ father spending quality time with their kid, guiding them through instrumental decisions in their life, ‘Daddy’s little girl’ however, my father was less a positive in my life and more like I’ll never do that to my child. Even the relationship with my step-father and his demonic acts drove me into therapy; I continue to be a cynic of any relationship between a father and a child, including the Heavenly Father. Numerous years have been spent resolving issues with God because of the common affectation; how can any father claim to feel affection for their child and shield from harm, yet damage and obliterate?

So in the present day, I look to that relationship with my father, having re-connected prior to his passing I thrash about the proposal of ‘what would I say if I could talk to him now?’ As the adult I am, I would call him on the phone and wish him a ‘Happy Father’s Day!’ but as a child I might have said, ‘Daddy, do you love me?’ Either sentiment presented will contain a retort of silence, which leaves me nowadays with solitary wonder.


boomchicks1 said...

We have so much in common my dear friend it frightens me sometime....

Dawn said...

You share this with such passion and truthfulness. I never realized how much our true feelings were so alike. I try to continuously build a relationship with my heavenly father only to feel nothing. I wish it could have been different for both of us. I love you!