Tuesday, May 31, 2011

An Award; I hope I'm deserving~

This from Munir at Focus: "I offer this "Award" to some awesome people. Every one is good in their own way. Some of us write what people like to read, some of us write about celebs and national sports and what is going on in the political world, but some people are so open that I sometimes wonder as to why they are not journalists? Or are they?"

Goodness, no, I'm not a journalist by any stretch of the imagination, although at one time when I had taken a journalism class from Mr. Wilkerson in high school, I thought about it.

However, I do write from the heart. It's the only way I know how to express the thoughts and feelings inside my head which is why I suppose my blog is entitled 'My Thoughtful Spot'.

As far as the open-ness I convey, what do I have to hide? Each circumstance and each encounter I've incurred in my life may be able to help another human and isn't that why we are here on this earth? To help our fellow man?

So I offer the raw emotions. I give candid accounts of my life. I present what is in my heart and soul and may it inspire another to look at their world in a different light or perhaps it offers hope...that is my prayer~

...and thanks to Munir for this gift!

"Courage is found in the most unlikely places."
J. R. Tolkien

Monday, May 30, 2011

Happy Memorial Day!

"The bravest are surely those
who have the clearest vision
of what is before them,
glory and danger alike
and yet notwithstanding,
go out to meet it."

Happy Memorial Day...

may you pause to remember
those who
have fought the brave fight
to bring you your freedom-
to live, to love, to grow,
to be who you are
to the core of your being.

Thank you to our soldiers
both past and present-

God Bless America~

Friday, May 27, 2011

Life-Altering Events~

After posing the question to you yesterday, I found it necessary to step back and present the query to myself; it is only fair you know.

Once I read all your responses/comments I could concur with each and every one; graduating college as well as packing my belongings and moving out of state-the only one in our family to leave the small town of Tiffin, Ohio.

I wondered if it was the presence of an alcoholic father and the domestic violence I witnessed, or was it the divorce of my parents? Perhaps the sexual abuse from my step-father, or the abusive relationships of my own? Someone might point to being raped as a life-altering event in my life, the foiled suicide attempts, the years of enduring anorexia and bulimia? Each happening would seem significant in its own right, but it isn’t any one of those events since those were merely my way of life for so long, it’s what the vision on my life came to be.

In addition, I had become accustomed to being disappointed by people in my life-the family of aunts, uncles and cousins who after my grandmother died with an abundance of money cut off my mother as a result of hate and jealousy, therefore I have no extended family. The pangs of envy grab hold each time a friend or colleagues talk of gatherings or family reunions-I have nothing more to offer in this realm.

So now you know why this was such a dilemma for me but before you feel sad and sorry for me, because there’s no need to--I decided that truly the most significant life-altering event was the decision to have our child, Nicholas.

After the ‘I do’s were announced we waivered on the decision for ten years which was why the love of our life, Nicholas was born seven months before I turned forty. But you see, up until that pronouncement was declared, I was on my path to self-destruction with the anorexia, bulimia and the desire to end a life; my own. I was filled with such self-hatred and loathing that I wouldn’t have given that life to any baby-particularly my own.

However, it was upon that day, that moment that second that I declared myself valuable enough to give up all the detestation and revulsion for the love of a child-our child who had not even been conceived. Once that skin of disgust was shed the focus became being the absolute best person I could become to be a loving mother to my child.

Therefore, you are so right, sometimes life-altering moments aren’t the winning of American Idol or even the lottery; significant events can be a transformation in attitude.

"Life gives us brief moments with another...
but sometimes in those brief moment
we get memories that last a life time...”

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Congratulations to Scotty and....a question!

Congratulations to Scotty!

On this day, North Carolina is swelling with pride at its new American Idol; Scotty McCreery!

 As it should be since Scotty represents us well with his appeal, boyhood southern charm and the depth to which he carries his faith.

Watching the decision being announced and feeling such exhilaration for this young man; his future so bright with infinite opportunities I couldn’t help but ponder how this seventeen year olds life will never be the same.

He will never stroll through the halls of his high school a ‘normal’ student contemplating grades, his class schedule or who he will sit with at lunch. Scotty won’t attend baseball practice to endure batting practice in 90 degree heat or grace his presence at church youth gatherings to just hang out!

No, my friends, life for this spirited Idol has stopped on a dime! And I only pray Scotty holds fast to his strong family Christian roots in the whirlwind existence he will now live out.

Viewing the dramatic shift has caused me to wonder if there has been a moment or circumstance in my life that I could possibly step back and state, ‘My life will never be the same!’ –hmmm, I’ll give it careful thought. In the meantime, I pose the question to you: has there been a circumstance in YOUR life where your life has significantly changed?

I’d love to hear your story.

Monday, May 23, 2011

I am smitten!

Okay, I admit…I am smitten!

Yes folk, ME- a middle aged woman is crooning over Scotty McCreery, a finalist on American Idol from Garner, North Carolina; twenty or so minutes from where I reside.

Although I’ve never tuned into American Idol except as a stepping stone to a different program, I have been swept up in the ‘Scotty Mania!’

Seriously, how can you not? His deep voice is smooth and comforting for his seventeen years and he’s such a down-home southern kid who is a pitcher on his baseball team, sings with his school’s performing choir as well as his church youth choir and is an honor student.

Seriously, what is there not to like? . . . Perhaps the fact that he’s a North Carolina State fan? Nah, that wouldn’t even deter me!

I’ve never been a country music enthusiast but when Scotty sings twang, I like it!! More than that, he’s cute with clean cut hair and an impish smile, he’s humble and thankful and he professes his Christian faith openly and allows the cross he wears around his neck to guide and direct his voyage through the popular show based in Los Angelos, California.

So Tuesday, when voting is open to the public, I will be like thousands of fanatical individuals casting their choice, and calling for Scotty; he’s in it to win it!

. . . There couldn’t be a more deserving candidate! Even if I am a middle aged woman!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Rest in peace dear Jack...

tears that flow upon the face

dampening black and white fluff-

a cow squeezed heartily

as the boy clings desperately to life.

With a final kiss and caress on the cheek

wings take flight toward the Heavenly gates.

Our supreme being clutching your hand

With peacefulness and tenderness

guiding you to your ultimate resting place.

Your gentle face toward the light

leaving a hole in our hearts.

Rest in peace dear Jack,

Rest in peace…

Monday, May 16, 2011

Happy Monday!

Forgetter Be Forgotten?

My forgetter's getting better,

But my rememberer is broke

To you that may seem funny

But, to me, that is no joke

For when I'm 'here' I'm wondering

If I really should be 'there'

And, when I try to think it through,

I haven't got a prayer!

Oft times I walk into a room,

Say 'what am I here for?'

I wrack my brain, but all in vain!

A zero, is my score.

At times I put something away

Where it is safe, but, Gee!

The person it is safest from

Is, generally, me!

When shopping I may see someone,

Say 'Hi' and have a chat,

Then, when the person walks away

I ask myself, 'who the hell was that?

Yes, my forgetter's getting better

While my rememberer is broke,

And it's driving me plumb crazy

And that isn't any joke.


Saturday, May 14, 2011

One More Given Day...

Throughout my travels from beginning to end of the local newspaper this morning, I perused the obituaries. I didn’t spot my name or my face so I presume I’m alive for an additional day. In that, I can rejoice!

After the week and a half I’ve had with a sinus and ear infection, this is certainly a point to cherish. Nonetheless, my trials are small and insignificant in comparison to my buddy Jack- whom I’ve met through Debra at  Four Angels Momma . I mentioned earlier that Jack is enduring Stage IV, High Risk Neuroblastoma and is in need of prayers for the hell-staking path his young life is on.

Jack has been in the hospital for endless days waiting for the doctors to get a handle on and manage his immense pain at this time; no such luck yet. However, it’s my continual prayer for him. I don’t proclaim to know when or where the curtain will close on his life, but I do know whenever I get a notification from CaringBridges, my heart stops with a moment of hesitancy before opening the website and reading his mom, Jen’s latest update.

So it is on this hallowed day, one in which we were granted further breaths to address the world as we actively engage in our daily events, that I extend a heartfelt pull that you summon a prayer for Jack.

"Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath."

Friday, May 13, 2011

Facts of Five and Updates....

1.) I've been sick! That's why I've been M.I.A. I have a throat filled with prickly pins, ears filled with cotton balls and a head full of well, I won't say it but it's not pretty. I don't make for a very good sick person. I try to maintain life as it is and manage to get myself in trouble because I push too hard and become exhausted...so I was given the good ol' 'Z-pak' to rid myself of a sinus and ear infections...make it work fast!

2.)  EOG testing week is here...which means End of Grade tests. Ever since George Bush instigated the law of No Child Left on Their Behind, whooops, I mean, No Child Left Behind, we've been giving these silly tests to measure children's achievements and aptitudes--can I tell you who's behind I'd like to shove these?

3.) Thank you for all the kind words and support on my Mother's Day post. To add to that, I had a wonderful Mother's Day from my boys. I received flowers, then for lunch  lobster tails, scallops over linguini and scalloped oysters and a day full of "Mom is the Best' sentiments which are irreplaceable. I love my boys!

4.) Only FOUR more days until Track Out!!!  Hurray!!! For all of you who don't know or remember, I teach in a year round school so we don't have summer breaks. We go to school for nine weeks with three weeks off --so this is my last track out for this school year. We return to school for three more weeks and the school year is over! One week later, a new one starts so can I just tell you how excited I am for track out? My goal is to GET WELL!!!

5.) I need BUYERS for my book...I haven't gotten an update on pre-sales but realize since I've not been given the G0-ahead, I presume sales have not reached 100! I'm not one to beg, demand or ask but this time is different; I REALLY want this~ and I'm so certain you will love this book because well, who could NOT love a golden retriever and his life? So click on the side bar photo of Hurricane and order your copy today! How's that for being demanding?

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Happy Mother's Day!

Typically in the past, Mother’s Day came upon me with trepidation and unease. Being the youngest of five children I in no way did not feel close to my mother, nor did I feel wanted or loved. Thoughts invaded my heart, the most prevalent being I was an after-thought since my mom already had the little girl she so desired with my sister who is two years older; they are extremely close.

As life would have it, my mother never taught me the idiosyncrasies of dating, or the art of make-up. I didn’t get fashion sense or faux pas, never got the tutorials of being a lady or the seminar on the birds and the bees. I sought out my surrogate mothers, aka teachers for those endeavors in life- if I happened to unearth the bravery to inquire, which most times I did not.

However, I loved my mother but more than that, I felt immense grief, sympathy and anguish for my mom. As I’ve relayed previously, she was the victim of extreme intense domestic violence with not only my father but the man who was the father of my three elder brothers who also decimated her heart with harsh words and volatile actions. She tolerated constant criticism upon her being as a person, condemnation as a woman and conviction as a parent who couldn’t do enough.

Fast forward to today and through years of therapy for the ramifications and consequences of the abuse I witnessed, endured and suffered as a result of her choices in life, I realize the significant value of the lessons my mother taught me, although unknowingly. These lessons have been the momentous qualities a mother can implant.

My mother taught me that whatever state of affairs we are handed, we do the best we can and move forward. She trained me to be strong and study mentally—to fight for myself and no man is worth anything if he has to love you with his fists and his explosive temper. She schooled me in the desire for knowledge through reading and the paramount offerings are home-made that come from the heart.

She has educated me to love God and pray to Him for all His infinite wisdom that regardless of the untimely knocks in life, I can march through life with my head held high and take pleasure in whom I’ve become as a person. She has instilled in me a sense of humor to laugh at myself, observe the light-heartedness in life’s situations and to seek the positive in any and all circumstances. I can extend a hand to others who are hurting and offer hope and a kind word.

She gave me the knowledge to take care of me because no one can or will do better at knowing what I need or desire. She passed on a fierce sense of independence, coached me in intricacies of the human race in understanding people and their actions, as well as care and compassion for our fellow human beings. She cultivated empathy, sensitivity and devotion to life, but most of all, my mother taught me forgiveness; the greatest gift of all.

I love you Mom, and Happy Mother’s Day!

“The mother-child relationship is paradoxical and, in a sense, tragic. It requires the most intense love on the mother's side, yet this very love must help the child grow away from the mother, and to become fully independent.”

By Erich Fromm

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Three Things I think I think....

I think I was mistaken in being overly concerned that my blog had been abandoned as of late but I noticed Hurricane has filled in for me very well while I’ve been inundated with school demands; writing IEP’s, IEP meetings, Interim reports, and transition meetings and on and on and on…oh and by the way, I need to teach and prepare my kids for End of Grade tests.

But hey, the mark of a great assistant is the ability to carry on without their leader; thanks Hurricane! What would I do without you buddy?!

I think or rather, I KNOW, I am thankful to each of you if you’ve already purchased my book or added the link to your sidebar. I’m excited about the prospect of being able to donate money to C.A.R.A. As an organization, they’ve been instrumental in taking care of and re-uniting lost pets with their families of the tornado victims/survivors. I appreciate your support. See “X” is for X-tra for complete details: previous post.  You know I'll keep bugging you to support this great cause so just beware! :)

I think the award for finishing the A to Z Challenge; isn’t it cool? It was great fun and proud I was able to finish!

Would I do it again? Umm, I think I would although I truly missed my friends who have been long time followers and look forward to getting back into a routine of visiting those friends consistently; I've missed you guys. However, I also move onward and embark the trial of getting more acquainted with bloggers I picked up along with way in the challenge.

So life returns to normal, whatever that is…
Love and hugs to all~

Sunday, May 1, 2011

"X" is for X-tra...

Happy May everyone, it’s me Hurricane!

I’m certainly glad that A to Z Challenge is over because before that started, this use to be my spot! I’d get on this contraption with the crazy buttons to divulge my stories and adventures of this life and well, since Nee Nee began that letter-thingy I’ve had plenty of missed tales.

Shhhh…Saturday while she was at school; yes, she had Saturday school because of the tornado, and I sneaked on here. I read an e-mail from my Maw Maw who wrote to tell Nee Nee she failed to remember the letter ‘X’!

Ahhh, well I’ll be…Nee Nee doesn’t know her ABC’s—who would have known?! I certainly didn’t want my mom to be embarrassed so I created a post for the letter ‘X’- Hee Hee, don’t tell her!

I’ve been really sad lately; ever since a humungous wind ripped through our town and knocked down trees, power lines and wrecked people’s homes-some of my furry friends even lost their mommy or daddy. My family has also been watching the news that tells of storms just as horrible in Alabama or Mississippi and you know what? The talking head man showed a picture of a little kitty who was found after the whirlwind and no one knows who he belongs to.

Really? Awww, I have a sister named Angel-Kitty and even though she’s a pain in my babushka from time to time I wouldn’t want her to get blown away in the tornado. Hearing this bit of information that countless pets are lost and some found made me distressed. Those that were captured need food, shelter and some need medicine.

Since I have ‘X’-tra with the love of my family, I came up with this idea of how to share. You know I wrote a book, don’t you? It’s called Life through the Eyes of a Hurricane: Doggie-Dog. Okay, Nee Nee helped me a tad, but still it’s about my experiences.

So for the entire month of May for all of you who want to help and make a difference for the lost and found animals as a result of the tornado, my Nee Nee will donate $2.00 to C.A.R.A. for each book purchased. This is the organization that took care of my sister, Angel-Kitty before we adopted her. They are now taking in homeless animals so the money will be given to help pay for food, shelter, kitty litter, blankets, toys and that yucky medicine for my little pals who have gone astray.

Numerous people want to help; many don’t know how but this is one way you can. Plus, you will have my terrific book to read. I think that suits one and all, don’t you? I’m glad we are partnering up with C.A.R.A. because I know angels are keeping an eye on my little furry friends.

To purchase my book, go here to the link. http://sbpra.com/tracyspaine/ Once 100 books are purchased, the book will go into print. I’m excited and can’t wait to see my beautiful picture on the cover. Nee Nee will get a print out of all the sales then a check will be sent to C.A.R.A when May concludes.

Furthermore, I am sending you many wet lickey-lickies in your ear to thank you because any X-tra will help!

 Please send this link to all your bloggy friends and for each blog that places this link on their sidebar for one week in May, your name will be entered in a Give-Away of a completed 6 x 6 scrapbook that will feature your little darling/s, your travels, or your furry friend. Once a winner is drawn at the end of the month, you will send her your photos along with likes, treasured moments and special things you would like included. You know how much she loves to scrapbook. Won’t it be lovely to have the treasure and not have to do the work? If you would like to see examples of her pages, go here or here!

If you have no blog and want to participate in the Give-Away just purchase a book or refer a friend who purchases a book and your name will be entered into the drawing.