|the Spaine family, 2005|
All you need is love, love, love is all you need…”
…to quote the infamous Beatles, who can argue with that thought, right? Or ‘Love is what makes the world go ‘round’? Blah, blah blah…
On this day of love taking center stage; thank you Hallmark, I felt compelled to address a side of love that no one mentions and my guess is no one even considers. The concept of-
If you know about me I am neither shy nor guarded in talking about my tumultuous childhood. In fact I’ve come to peace with the events as well as the people responsible because those are the proceedings that shaped my personhood and I rather like who I’ve become; strong, confident, compassionate, creative to name a few qualities.
However, to receive love had at all times been extremely complex for me since my training in life led me to equivocate kindness and love with abuse of my body, my feelings, and my life. I denied myself food because I wasn’t deserving of its nutrients. When someone offered me a gift, or a kind word I shunned them because the debt of thankfulness was too immense. In fact, the first time the man who is now my husband told me he loved me I stared him straight in the eye and said, ‘Don’t ever say that unless you mean it!’
Enter Barbara, Martha and Tanya; my guardian angels--my therapists at vital crossroads who truly bestowed life and rescued me with their love, dedication and commitment. Just as important these astounding women who acted as a surrogate mother at various points in time, taught me to accept gestures and expressions of love with gratefulness and gratitude.
I’ve recently been in touch with these amazing ladies when it became necessary to complete the ‘Acknowledgement’ page for my book. I could never deny their impact on me and the person I’ve become. I will remain forever indebted to them as I carry their spirit and strength with me in every cell of my being.
So on this Valentine’s Day, it is with fortitude to each: Barbara, Martha and Tanya that I’ve learned to receive love in its many forms with an open heart.
“For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.”
By Ivan Panin