Saturday, May 7, 2011

Happy Mother's Day!



Typically in the past, Mother’s Day came upon me with trepidation and unease. Being the youngest of five children I in no way did not feel close to my mother, nor did I feel wanted or loved. Thoughts invaded my heart, the most prevalent being I was an after-thought since my mom already had the little girl she so desired with my sister who is two years older; they are extremely close.


As life would have it, my mother never taught me the idiosyncrasies of dating, or the art of make-up. I didn’t get fashion sense or faux pas, never got the tutorials of being a lady or the seminar on the birds and the bees. I sought out my surrogate mothers, aka teachers for those endeavors in life- if I happened to unearth the bravery to inquire, which most times I did not.

However, I loved my mother but more than that, I felt immense grief, sympathy and anguish for my mom. As I’ve relayed previously, she was the victim of extreme intense domestic violence with not only my father but the man who was the father of my three elder brothers who also decimated her heart with harsh words and volatile actions. She tolerated constant criticism upon her being as a person, condemnation as a woman and conviction as a parent who couldn’t do enough.


Fast forward to today and through years of therapy for the ramifications and consequences of the abuse I witnessed, endured and suffered as a result of her choices in life, I realize the significant value of the lessons my mother taught me, although unknowingly. These lessons have been the momentous qualities a mother can implant.

My mother taught me that whatever state of affairs we are handed, we do the best we can and move forward. She trained me to be strong and study mentally—to fight for myself and no man is worth anything if he has to love you with his fists and his explosive temper. She schooled me in the desire for knowledge through reading and the paramount offerings are home-made that come from the heart.


She has educated me to love God and pray to Him for all His infinite wisdom that regardless of the untimely knocks in life, I can march through life with my head held high and take pleasure in whom I’ve become as a person. She has instilled in me a sense of humor to laugh at myself, observe the light-heartedness in life’s situations and to seek the positive in any and all circumstances. I can extend a hand to others who are hurting and offer hope and a kind word.

She gave me the knowledge to take care of me because no one can or will do better at knowing what I need or desire. She passed on a fierce sense of independence, coached me in intricacies of the human race in understanding people and their actions, as well as care and compassion for our fellow human beings. She cultivated empathy, sensitivity and devotion to life, but most of all, my mother taught me forgiveness; the greatest gift of all.

I love you Mom, and Happy Mother’s Day!


“The mother-child relationship is paradoxical and, in a sense, tragic. It requires the most intense love on the mother's side, yet this very love must help the child grow away from the mother, and to become fully independent.”

By Erich Fromm

43 comments:

Heather said...

a beautiful post - a wonderful tribute....thinking of you on this Mother's day weekend! xo

browndogcbr said...

Hi Y'all,

What a beautiful post. We do learn things when we don't realize it and we are often stronger for the things we learn at those times.

God does have a way of keeping us safe and guiding us through the tough times. We have to be alert to realize the "touch of God's hand" in our life.

Happy Mother's Day,
BrownDog's Momma

Wanda's Wings said...

Very profound post.

Pat Tillett said...

Very thought provoking and a great tribute to your mom. It sounds like she (and her children) all went through a hard life. Thank goodness there is now therapy to help us recover from our less than wonderful childhoods. Happy Mother's Day to you!

Wanda said...

Your post touched me so deeply, as my story is the opposite, but both of us seemed to have learned the same valuable lessons to survive in this world.

Thanks for sharing you heart, and also thanks for the lovely compliment on my painting on my Art Blog.

Happy Mother's Day friend!

Jeanie said...

Such a heart-wrenching post, but it also full of wisdom. I love the quote at the end.

Ginny said...

Oh, Tracy, bless your heart. This is a wonderful tribute to your mom, very honest, it ultimately shows how you have come out the other side of a bad situation and it has made you a strong and caring person. So many people use this type of upbringing as a crutch and excuse for anything they may do, but your attitude has made the difference for you. I had some real issues with my mom, but in the end, like you, I realized that she did the very best she could under very hard circumstances. I think we have a hard time seeing that as children and teenagers, because we are so needy ourselves. I hope you have a wonderful Mother's Day.

texwisgirl said...

i'm just glad you made it to the other side of the dark tunnel. :)

Sylvia K said...

Yes, I'm glad you made it to the other side of the dark tunnel. So, did I. Have a great weekend!

Sylvia

Jules said...

Oh my friend I came by to wish you a happy one and now I have tears in my eyes. I'm most certain your mother would be as equally proud of the sage you have become. Beautiful post. :)
Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow

Old Kitty said...

Happy mother's day!!

You are both amazing women to have survived such trauma and to find peace and reconciliation at the end of such a long awful dark tunnel.

Take care
x

Mildred said...

I am thankful that we serve a Lord who never leaves us under any circumstances. Wishing you a very blessed Mother's Day Sunday.

Linda Reeder said...

This is a beautiful post, and a wonderful tribute to mothers who prevail and influence even when the way is hard.

bj said...

I hope you have a blessed and wonderful Mother's Day, dear one.
xo bj

Dianne said...

you are so incredibly honest
I admire that
we have a very similar past and so I know a lot of those feelings and so I know that you share them so well

Happy Mother's Day dear lady

Mollye said...

Tracy What an inspiration you will be to countless women reading your post. Your mother probably hurts knowing she couldn't give you what you wanted. But she did give you what you needed to be a strong, loving woman. Thank you for sharing with us this so very personal look at your heart and thank you for being my friend. Happy Mother's Day, Mollye

Mamma has spoken said...

What a sad but then joyful ending post! Happy Mother's Day to you!

Elizabeth Mueller said...

What a wonderful message you have here. My heart goes out to you. I love those pictures, too...

Thanks for the mother's day wish. :)

YA Paranormal Romance Darkspell coming soon!

♥.•*¨Elizabeth¨*•.♥
www.authorelizabethmueller.com
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Patty Ann said...

I have been there too. I am so glad that you were able to find the good in the experience and realize that she did leave you a legacy. I think that we all do the best we can do based on our own experiences and needs. Sometimes, the blessings are hard to find, but they are there.

SquirrelQueen said...

What a moving piece and also a great tribute to your mother. Thank you for sharing.
Happy Mother's Day.
Judy

Arkansas Patti said...

A really profound piece. You both certainly traveled a crooked, painful path but have made it to the other side, a wiser, better person.
Hope all your pains are behind you.
Happy Mother's Day.

Brian said...

That really was a great post and a wonderful tribute to your Mom. Moms do have a way of touching our hearts from the inside.

Teresa aka JW said...

And because of all your experience, I bet you are an awesome mother. Because... we do learn from those trials. You are precious!

Have a Happy Mother's Day, my blogger friend!

*The Old Geezer said...

I love your opening line. “No gift to your mother can ever equal her gift to you - life!” Amen to that! Mothers rule the world :-)

Happy Mother's Day :-)

~Ron
~~~~~

Pk Hrezo said...

What a beautiful tribute. I think you said it perfectly. No mom is perfect and I could pick out 100 things my mom did wrong, but they're only human. ANd being a mom now myself makes me realize how much I have to learn about parenthood.

What she went thru is astounding, and she still managed to raise good kids like yourself. Kudos to your mom! And kudos to you!

Happy Mother's Day!

The Words Crafter said...

Very profound and I'm so glad you were able to talk to someone. Yes, forgiveness is a great gift and sadly, often overlooked in the healing process.

Happy Mother's Day :)

Bossy Betty said...

Wow. What a wonderful, powerful post. You stopped a cycle, you made peace with what you witnessed. Happy Mother's Day to you.

J.L. Campbell said...

Your mother endured much and had the generosity of spirit to see that you did not make the same mistakes. Great post and wonderful quote.

turquoisemoon said...

Wow...powerful!

Catherine said...

What a beautiful and moving post Tracy. Truly life's lessons come in many disguises. Although childhood pain can not be erased, it can be embraced and reflected upon with wisdom.

You are a wonderful person sweet Tracy. Sending you big hugs!
xo Catherine

Linda Myers said...

Thank you for your honest, heartfelt post. I wasn't close to my mother, either, but she told me I could do whatever I set my mind to do, and she was right. I guess if you feel like you're on your own when you're a kid, you develop determination and independence. Always good to have.

LTM said...

man, Tracy. Wow. That's a great post, and so moving. I was the only girl in a family of two, and I can tell you, so many times I WISHED for a little sister. :o) ((hugs)) I'm sorry for the things you went through as a child, the things you saw. But what amazing lessons you've learned as a result. And I know your mother was blessed to have you, and she loved you very much. I hope you had a great mother's day~ <3

Deborah said...

A wonderful post that shows your journey and your character Tracy, full of love, understanding and wisdom, a pleasure to read.

Rita said...

What a beautiful and thoughtful post Tracy. Life seems to be full of things we just don't understand. Happy you are finding comfort now.
Rita

Kim @ Stuff could... said...

My Mom did not teach me those girl things either, she just couldn't. Mom's 5th girl always thought she was an accident til I told her that I remember Mom wanting "just one more baby". So we never know but we are here....You learned a lot from your mom

Susan Fields said...

Happy Mother's Day to you! I think it's wonderful that you can look back and see all that she gave you and taught you, despite very dire circumstances.

LDH said...

A really heartfelt post. You have learned so much and I am sure it makes you a great mother yourself.

KathyA said...

I'm sorry you and your mother don't share that special warmth. I'm glad, though, that she did make you strong and did, by omission, teach you how to be a good mother.

Ann said...

A wonderful post Tracy. A testimony to the strength of will and the powerful ties between mother and child.

DoanLegacy said...

Fantastic post..The things we learn or put them back in perspective are very powerful, under so many different circumstances..

You've a beautiful way of expressing that mother and child relationship!

Talli Roland said...

What a wonderfully written post. How strong you are to see beyond the negative circumstances and still be able to take away such positives.

PEA said...

This post brought tears to my eyes and my heart went out to your mom for what she had to endure and to her children for what they had to witness and endure as well. Thinking of you as a little girl, feeling unloved and unwanted, made me want to go over and just hold you in comfort. I was blessed to have been raised in a very warm and loving home and both my parents made sure they spent equal time with all 5 of us children. I truly do admire you, that you were able to see beyond everything that happened while you were growing up and learned to be your own person with high morals and values. xoxo

Rambling Dandelions said...

XO
K