Ode to Today....

Ode to today; temperatures are dropping like acorns from an oak, the wind is blustery, and the last bit of foliage is hanging on for dear life! And I, my friends must return to work; CRAP!


I know such despicable and ineffective words coming from a writer’s mouth. However, I must delve into the world of lesson plans, IEP’s, calm the fears of parents, ready children for those useless tests ‘they’ insist we give, love, nurture, mother… after two and a half weeks off I do declare I am not ready! Excuse me for opening the day so grouchy and cantankerous! It’s typically not my nature, but it is today!

However, to switch gears I thought I’d post a story from my book that is contracted to be published: My Life as a Dog...resting on its shoulders the entry will not only to add a brightness to my day but it will also give a flavor to several of you who have asked what the book is about. The stories and excerpts are written on the everyday, mundane world of our golden retriever’s life.

 

My Life as a Dog….and the 12 Step Program~

Okay, I’m a lost and broken dog. I have a terrible confession: I have a sock fetish which according to the dictionary means an obsessive or unhealthy preoccupation or attachment with an object.

But there, I said it and often heard that the first step in overcoming an addiction is to admit I have a problem. It is a terrible problem. I can’t get enough socks which is even more of a problem because they aren’t my socks! Well, they eventually become my socks because I chew and tear so many holes in them that no one can wear the foot coverings by time I’m done with them, but that’s beside the point. You see, they are my family’s socks. I can’t help myself and I am so ashamed of myself. Whenever I see a sock in the laundry basket I have to go grab it, stretch it until I hear that priceless sound ripping; AAHHHH, a sound of satisfaction! Tear it, shred it, and grate it; that is when they are at their best!

I like to get into Big Daddy’s running shoes and even though he has tucked them deep into the toe of the shoe, I stick my nose in until I can reach just a teensy-weensy thread and pull it out. Yeah, I know, the smell is pretty unpleasant and you’d think that would deter me, but I guess that tells you how desperate my dilemma is.

I’ve even been known to chase Little Daddy around the house when he’s taking his shoes off so I can grab a sliver of the cloth and help in pulling it off his foot. If I do that, then at least the taste is in my mouth and there’s a better chance I can keep it since I put the entire sock in my jawbone and slobber all over it. They don’t like to touch it when it is coated with dribble. Then, I dash into my favorite upstairs hiding place; under the bed. I know, I know, I’m a big dog but I can still fit under the bed and no one comes in after me. The beauty of that is they know I have the upper hand so they go to the cabinet in the bathroom and get a biscuit to entice me to come out. When I hear that box, I immediately go to my bed, the heck with the sock!…a quest for a later time and date. Besides, I have the best of both worlds; a biscuit AND the sock!

Yes, it is true. I go to great lengths to feed my addiction; I follow Nee Nee up the stairs biting at her heals until she gives them up, or until I trip her. Sorry, Nee Nee! Or, I stand on my hind legs at the washer and dryer searching for strays, and I park myself politely at the dryer while clothes are being folded to quickly grab one that may fall on the floor. I’m getting’ pretty good at ‘Snatch-and-Go’s’.

So while I’ve admitted my compulsion I’m not ready to follow Step 6 OR Step 7; were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character and humbly ask God to remove my shortcomings …ummm, should I? …NAAAHHHHH, I like socks too much and how else can I keep my family entertained by my antics?

I love this life…

My Life as a Dog!

No, it’s not very original but what would you expect from me, as I’m only a dog. I am a Golden Retriever, whatever that is because all I know is I’m a dog! But whenever I take walks in the ‘hood, people pat me and tell me what a beautiful dog I am. Anyway, I was born October 23, 2008 in Chapel Hill, NC which must be good because my family loves this school called UNC and I guess it’s in Chapel Hill? My owners, Big Daddy, Little Daddy and Nee Nee sometimes say they’d like to trade places with me but I really don’t know why, but maybe you can tell me after I tell you stories from my life. Maybe I can sneak on here from time to time and tell stories of my place in this family!

Yesterday Big Daddy was running this machine across the carpets and I don’t know what it is for but it has a light on the front and when he rolls it toward me and the loud noise it makes, ‘VROOM, VROOOOM…’ scares me half to death so I bark at it a lot to tell it to stay away. He says, ‘Hurricane!’ …that’s my name by the way. ‘It’s not going to hurt you!’ … but I run at it and try to bite it anyway because I can’t be too sure!’ Anyway, all of a sudden, it stopped! Big D. leaned down and flipped a switch and jiggled at something in the wall but it wouldn’t come back on…dead! I’m so glad I finally killed it-for my family’s sake! He sat on the floor which is always my invitation to sit in his lap. I’ve been doing that since I was a puppy and I get patted on my belly, around my ears, on top of my head…ohhh, it feels so good. I never want him to stop. When he does I put my nose under his hand and swing it back up so he’ll keep going. AHHHAHHHH!! I could do this all day long! But this time, he just said, ‘Hurricane, outta my way!’ ...OUCH, that hurts! So I lay my head on the floor and give him my sad puppy dog look where I raise my eyebrows ever so slightly and stare at them….it gets them every time. Big D. stoked my ears for a few seconds. I guess it is better than nothing!

Okay, so back to the contraption with the glow on the front….Big D started taking it apart and oh my gosh, all my hair started coming out of it! When did my beautiful butterscotch hair come out? Big D kept saying over and over with each new bunch, ‘Hurricane, this is all your hair!’ I tell you, we sat there for 25 minutes while he pulled tufts of my fur out of every nook and cranny in that device and he put it all in a trash...boy, do I sure feel naked!*

Well, I hear Nee Nee coming down the stairs so I better end this for now, but this isn’t the last from me… I think I like this life!