Monday, June 20, 2011

Happy Father's Day??


“Little Tracy” appeared upon awakening yesterday, which coincidentally was Father’s Day.


I don’t like Father’s Day! I never have, and I probably never will-other than the fact I honor the wonderful father my husband is to our son; that is truly worth celebrating!

Therefore to honor the inner child, I made no comments on facebook regarding the significance of the day nor did I write a post addressing the date. In fact, I began reading and commenting on my bloggy friends’ posts prior to the uprising of angst, as a result I ceased.

Imagine standing in front of a multitude of cards at the Hallmark store attempting to choose a card with the basic intent of showering love, adoration and affection toward the male figure in your life.

Believe me when I tell you there are NO cards that say, ‘No thanks from me, your daughter-You were a HORRIBLE father!’ or perhaps a card using sarcasm, ‘Thanks for ruining my life; want to pay my therapy bills?’

This tumultuous relationship has over-shadowed and clouded countless interactions with men including that of the Heavenly Father. I remember attending church pleading and bargaining with God to let the drinking discontinue or the beatings subside. I begged Him to end ALL the wrongdoing just as He had calmed the mighty seas.

He didn’t! My anger in Him mirrored the tides with the continual ebbs and flows. However, thanks to obvious therapy and long conversations with pastor friends, Connie and Karen; the anger dissipated and my relationship with God has been transformed as a solid rock.

Which why on June, 19th-Father’s Day I rose to greet the sunlight hours, crabbiness and all to assure the child within by way of a silent prayer...

Thank you for this day to bid eternal praise for the many individuals
who acted as father figures all through my life.

Thank you for loving me even when I doubt your intentions and
harbor resentments toward you. In this, I ask for your forgiveness~

Thank you for a loving husband who is an affectionate and
devoted father to our son. Amen~


"An angry father is most cruel towards himself."
by Publilius Syrus


32 comments:

PEA said...

Dear Tracy, it truly is unfortunate that not all "dads" are wonderful fathers and because your dad was not one of those, I can understand your feelings about Father's Day. I'm glad, though, that your relationship with God has been restored. I'm sure at one time you thought He had abandoned you when your dad's drinking and beatings kept on. No child should go through that and it's something I'll never understand. Sending you big hugs. xoxo

Daisy said...

Tracy, I can understand why this holday would not be one you want to celebrate. I think anyone in your circumstances would feel the same way. I'm sorry it brings up such bad memories for you. I do like the way you have come to terms with it, though, and enjoyed your prayer.

Stacey Dawn said...

Makes me teary eyed.
So sorry your earthly father was like that to you. Big hugs.
So happy your Heavenly Father is always there for you.

Kay Dennison said...

My father was -- I'll spare you the gory details as it would take too long -- far from perfect but I forgave him long ago because if I really am the Christian (Catholic) I profess to be, I must. His actions affected both of us and I know he died with some regrets as will I. I decided long ago that hate is a terrible emotion as well as one of The Seven Deadly Sins and consume a person as it has my mother. My goal is to do my best to move on from the bad things that have happened in my life and let them go. I celebrate Father's Day out of respect for all fathers and include a prayer for those who are neglectful of the gift of parenthood.

Ginny said...

I am so sorry, Tracy! Your father also did a great disservice to himself, missing a closeness and wonderful times with his special little girl. I am so glad that you have finally found happiness in your life, this is hard to ever let go and will always be with you, but hopefully you can move forward and find new joy.

Old Kitty said...

I am truly sorry for the violence you suffered at the hands of your father. That's horrible. I am so sorry.

I'm glad you have a great husband who is a loving father to your son. Happy Father's Day to him! Take care
x

Out on the prairie said...

I don't get overly excited myself, I celebrate it everyday.The love we create in our lives is very special to have.I shared mine with a friend on Sunday who has no father and never had any children. We just made it a good day.

Jules said...

Why do you have to stir my emotions up so much? Now I don't know whether to cry or hit something.

No mushy, long winded stuff, just a simple: Love Ya!
Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow

Rita said...

Please don't let your anger drown out what your husband and your son have. Happiness is important for you and your little family.
Sending good vibes your way.
Rita

Catherine said...

Sending you extra big hugs Tracy!
xo Catherine

Jeanie said...

I'm glad you can celebrate what a wonderful father your husband is to your son, even though your father gave you nothing to celebrate in his honor. I'm sorry you had to feel that pain yesterday.

Mamma has spoken said...

Posts like this leaves me lacking for words especially those that haven't already been said by others. Just know that I will say an extra prayer for you tonight to continue to find peace with your dad.

Lin said...

I get it.

While I don't have issues with my dad, mine died when I was 7--so I don't have many memories of him. So, while everyone is going on and on about how great their dads are or how they miss him now that he's gone, I had nothing to say. I'm not sad. I'm not longing for him. I just don't remember him--plain and simple.

I didn't post about Father's Day either.

Teresa aka Journaling Woman said...

Stupid fathers are...stupid. Very.

T

Dawn said...

Sorry.
I'm glad you have come to a sort of peace in regards to things...and glad you have been blessed with a wonderful hubby!!!

blessings from a wildflower said...

Mine died when I was 9--he was a farmer and always working hard in the fields, to afford us 6 kids .. I don't remember him--plain and simple.
My Mother ( only in sense of word she birthed me) remarried when I was 14 and the step-dad was an Alcoholic, Mentally & Physically abusive...but by God ask my Mother and she will tell you " He was a good provider for HER" and you know rest of story...
I have nothing to say about Mother's nor Father's Day .
~~Peace~~

no spring chicken said...

I'm so, so sorry. I'm sure that this is a hard day for you. Praise God that you had/have good counsel. And praise God that you have a loving husband to focus this day on. Your children will have the memories of a good father, and a mother who taught them how to honor him on this day.

Blessings, Debbie

Patty Ann said...

Tracy,
I have been there too. I used to feel the same way you do, then I learned to breath in, breath out, and just let it go. I heard once that holding onto the anger is like drinking poison yourself and hoping that it will kill the other person. That image has always stayed with me. Forgiveness, does not mean that you have to see that person, or take your kids there, or pretend that it never happened. Forgiveness simply means that you can think about it without hate, anger and bitterness. I think when someone hurts children, they should not be given the chance to hurt any more. I have learned to love in spite of the pain. I will keep you in my prayers today and hope with all my heart that you find peace and joy in the wonderful men in your life today. None of us can change the past, but we can each start today and change where we would like to be.

Manzanita said...

Tracy, I'm sorry your father inflicted his problems onto his children.
Today I went to my weekly session with my acupuncturist. He is working with me to forgive past wrongs so I can free up some of my blocked energy. These blockages will cause physical problems if I don't let go. It's so hard to find the Mercy and forgive and put it in the past. I'm working on it and I hope you too can some day let go. So good you made a wise choice for your husband.

Manzanita@Wannabuyaduck

Send Thank You Flowers said...

Thank You for making me stop and think about all those children that don't want to celebrate on fathers day, all those children who grew up with a rotten male figure. These children can sometimes get forgotten.

Teresa Evangeline said...

well, you certainly have risen above any possible harm he might have inflicted, and what a fine woman you have become. That's pretty obvious. :) I think the quote you chose in closing is important to remember.

Dianne said...

not only have you survived but you have thrived
you have a wonderful ability to share your feeling and help yourself and others

Arkansas Patti said...

I am so sorry about your past and am only glad that it is past. How wonderful that you found such a great husband. Usually we tend to repeat what we know--you broke that mold and that is your blessing.

John Gray said...

painful and moving

Nancy @ A Rural Journal said...

As they say, you can't choose your relatives. Some people just don't make good parents. I'm sorry that was the case with your father, Tracy.

I guess all you can do is be greatful for your blessings and try to forget the past. Big hugs, friend. :)

Munir said...

We need to fix so many things in this world. I am not sure that I will see a trouble free, hurt free state of this world before I die.

Meanwhile I value the good people I know.

DoanLegacy said...

Tracy, I'm sorry for the pain you've suffered, and pray that soon it will be lighter.

Even when the father doesn't abuse his children physically, he can also abuse them by negligence, ignorance and inconsiderate!

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

I am sorry your experience of a father was so awful. But her made you so there is a glimmer of good in him.

Julie Harward said...

I am so sorry you had to live that...and he will pay for it all. How wonderful you have a good man in your life now. :D

Kim @ Stuff could... said...

Thankfully you found some great fathers in your husband and our Heavenly Father...

Sandra said...

Good for you for being so honest, and not sugar coating something that is so clearly not. Personally, I had a good father, I have a good husband, but I still didn't write a post, and go all goo-ey. Just 'cause. Your courage for being so open is a gift, and your faith is your stone.

Corine said...

Oh Tracy... my heart aches for you again! I'm so thankful, though, that you have been blessed to forgive and find peace.
...lots of love,
Corine