Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Just some thoughts...


I don’t like change.

I feel very comfortable and content with the status quo. With the end of a school year approaching within twelve short days and the beginning of the year well within reach, I tend to get distracted and unfocused. Typically the repercussion of my distractibility tends to come out via mindless eating and bounding between activity to activity with modest steps forward in any productive direction.


Change brings forth my insecurities in the world around me that separates my heart from my head. I ‘know’ all is well. I ‘know’ I am loved. I ‘know’ I am strong. I ‘know' I am capable, however anticipated altering of my surroundings detach me from what I know transcending me to what I feel.

I feel insecure, I feel vulnerable and I feel anxious. I experience self-doubt and question my capabilities as a wife, a mother, a friend and a teacher; Does my husband still love me? Does my friend’s silence indicate distress by what I’ve said or not said? Did I balance time between my writing and my son?

I linger within this mind-set as a hummingbird hovers around nectar. Suddenly I tire of the conflict between the mind and the heart which necessitates a firm retort, accompanied by gentle clemency to allow myself to be fully human.

I remain still and allow the perfectionist qualities to release their strong hold on my existence. I breathe deep and recite the Serenity Prayer while slowly discharging unconstructive beliefs that cling like barnacles to the harbors of my mind.

“Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become.”

49 comments:

Sophia said...

"Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become.”

VERY very good post. Hope you are well. Hugs

texwisgirl said...

sweetpea, this is just another tide that will come and go. hang in there! :)

Old Kitty said...

Change could be very scary and frightening! It could also be very exciting and invigorating!! You hang on in there and embrace all that you are - you are a brave vibrant creative and talented person and you'll be just fine! Yay! Take care
x

From the Kitchen said...

Well said! I try to always live in the moment but very often it just doesn't work.

Best,
Bonnie

Nancy @ A Rural Journal said...

They say the only constant is change... as for me, I like a little change here and there to keep things lively. A little. :)

Hope you are well, Tracy. Enjoy your summer!!

Arkansas Patti said...

The Serenity Prayer is the perfect solution to most problems that we can come up with.
May your anxieties ease and fall away.

Teresa aka Journaling Woman said...

Change stinks most of the time and is a kidnapper of peace. I'm just saying it outloud.

Canyon Girl said...

What a well-written post. I loved that hummingbird and could picture my own state of mind, whatever it may be at the time, hovering around nectar. Beautiful! It will, of course, all work itself out. And your summer will be great! We are having a very difficult time financially or I would buy your book in a minute. You write so well, I know I would enjoy. Things here should be better in the fall.

Dawn said...

I think you just read my mind and put it into this post.
Hope all is well...
hugs.
I hear ya!

Kim said...

I get the same anxious insecure feelings when there is too much change in my life. I guess we all get comfortable in our routines. Hang in there.

Daisy said...

I know what you mean, Tracy. Change can be quite scary and unsettling sometimes. "Nothing changes but the changes" is an old saying. I guess that means that everything changes in some way eventually.

Jules said...

And some things never change, like the love of a husband and your FRIEND! Yes I'm sick but I was not letting this go. Smile and let your heart be still, all is well. :)
Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow

Patty Ann said...

Love this one today! I have the same doubts and the same fears myself, so, you made me smile. I am always questioning. That is why my "word" for the year (I am not doing resolutions anymore) is Release. I know that that doubt and worry is not productive and is not helpful to my spirit. So, I breath in and out and release the worry as I reach for a better way. Thanks for sharing!

Kay Dennison said...

Change is, more often than not, unavoidable, and happens whether we want it or not as I know all too well! The trick is how we choose to deal with it and that is a variable, too. God knows I've had more than my share and lately, I find my coping skills are wearing out. Sigh.

Ginny said...

I don't like change, either. But that is what life is all about. We feel secure with known, familiar things, don't we? Then just when we get used to things, BANG! Even down to the small things, like in the grocery store. They can't leave well enough alone, but are always changing my favorite products...new...better....improved..and that is rarely the case,I just want the old back.

Stacey Dawn said...

I, too, struggle with perfectionistic qualities...
great words here...

Thanks for the visit and comment today! I'll be back!

Corine said...

Sounds like the old and all too familiar "anxiety" which used to accompany me so frequently. It was the serenity prayer which helped me as well! My mother in law quoted it to me again, the last time we spoke, and I purchased a little card with the prayer on it as a handy reminder. We can be so hard on ourselves! Give yourself a reasurring hug for me; you are fabulous, and you are loved! :D
Corine :D

Corine said...

Sounds like the old and all too familiar "anxiety" which used to accompany me so frequently. It was the serenity prayer which helped me as well! My mother in law quoted it to me again, the last time we spoke, and I purchased a little card with the prayer on it as a handy reminder. We can be so hard on ourselves! Give yourself a reasurring hug for me; you are fabulous, and you are loved! :D
Corine :D

Corine said...

Sounds like the old and all too familiar "anxiety" which used to accompany me so frequently. It was the serenity prayer which helped me as well! My mother in law quoted it to me again, the last time we spoke, and I purchased a little card with the prayer on it as a handy reminder. We can be so hard on ourselves! Give yourself a reasurring hug for me; you are fabulous, and you are loved! :D
Corine :D

Brian said...

I'm with you on that one! Talk about not liking change, we're all into normal here!

Heather said...

I LOVE THIS POST!!!!!!
This is a great quote at the end , and the way you have described your feelings are so similiar to how i feel some days....really a good post! thank you - i know i am not alone!

Talli Roland said...

I hear you! I'm not a big fan of change, either, and it stressed me out. Thank you for the reminder to breathe and relax.

Julie Harward said...

I agree about that perfectionist thing..it can really get us down. We really need to not let it do that because it isn't perfect either you kmow! ;D

Mamma has spoken said...

Change can be good, but honestly, I'm to the point in my life that I don't like it when it happens professionally and only some of it personally. Here's hoping that any change happening your way is good change because bad change is a bite in the butt!

Out on the prairie said...

I react toward change in different ways, but it comes into form eventually and I accept it.

Out on the prairie said...

I react toward change in different ways, but it comes into form eventually and I accept it.

Out on the prairie said...

I react toward change in different ways, but it comes into form eventually and I accept it.

Out on the prairie said...

I react toward change in different ways, but it comes into form eventually and I accept it.

Out on the prairie said...

I react toward change in different ways, but it comes into form eventually and I accept it.

Out on the prairie said...

I react toward change in different ways, but it comes into form eventually and I accept it.

Out on the prairie said...

I react toward change in different ways, but it comes into form eventually and I accept it.

Out on the prairie said...

I react toward change in different ways, but it comes into form eventually and I accept it.

Out on the prairie said...

I react toward change in different ways, but it comes into form eventually and I accept it.

Out on the prairie said...

I react toward change in different ways, but it comes into form eventually and I accept it.

Out on the prairie said...

I react toward change in different ways, but it comes into form eventually and I accept it.

Out on the prairie said...

I react toward change in different ways, but it comes into form eventually and I accept it.

Rita said...

Raelly enjoyed your post today; it seemed to come at the right moment for me. At my age it seems I feel more secure with the routine, but I know change is just around the corner. As always, well said Tracy.
Rita

Joanna Jenkins said...

I can so relate to this post.

All together now-- Breathe in-- Breathe out....

:-)
jj

Donnie said...

That was a lovely, thought provoking post. Remember to be still once in a while.

no spring chicken said...

Although it's a wonderful quote, I too struggle with change. I am definitely a comfortable person. Not a world changer!

Blessings, Debbie

missing moments said...

I think all these thoughts niggle at us off and on .... and then the tide comes in to remind us that all is well.

Bossy Betty said...

I resist change and then it happens and I find I can cope with it after all. It's usually for the better! When will I learn?

PEA said...

Change certainly is good for us but then change can also be terrifying. We tend to surround ourselves with everything that is a "sure thing" and when that changes, we hesitate, not knowing what will happen. Facing it head on and letting go of the insecurities is the way to go:-) xoxo

Susan Fields said...

Reciting the Serencity Prayer is a wonderful way to handle those fears.

By the way, I left you an award on my blog today. :)

Catherine said...

I must admit Tracy ~ I too like the comfort of the status quo and routine. I always marvel at those people who thrive on excitement and constant change. They are a mystery to me.

Sending you hugs,
xo Catherine

Julie Musil said...

You are NOT alone when you think these things. I think we all experience similar doubts from time to time. It's great that you pushed past it.

KathyA said...

You're not alone. Many people find change difficult; uncomfortable. I've learned to try to embrace change and expect the discomfort. Expecting or recognizing it helped/helps me a lot -- especially when I was faced with starting a new school year and greeting 140 new students!!

Dianne said...

I sruggle with the "know" vs. the "feel"
you appear to have many insights into the ways to cope and move forward
keep on lady :)

Deb said...

What a great post...I think I like change better as I get older...isn't that odd! I really don't much like for things to stay the same old, same old!!! Thanks for sharing this. The quote at the end reminds me that I truly need to empty me of me...and ask Him to fill me up with more of HIM!!! HOPE you have a great week!