Wednesday, April 4, 2012

"D" is for Devotion.....

Today’s letter has a ‘dual’ purpose as you'll soon discover. As indicated, my theme for the month is:

Perceptions + quotes + reality = A to Z Challenge

Sorry the photo is blurry...I have kept this in my wallet for years as a reminder~

I’ve struggled with disordered eating most of my life from over-eating to fill a void, from anorexia, from bulimia. I’ve endured two in-hospital treatment programs and a day program. I only mention this so you comprehend the magnitude at which food controlled my life. I desperately embraced the eating disorder, particularly the bulimia staunchly and stubbornly like a child clutches a security blanket.

Enter my husband, Scott. We married in 1995. As months became years the yearning for a child was growing as I was approaching forty. Yet my mind-set persisted in being the obstacle; body image, intense fear of weight gain and the fixation on binging and purging.

I have committed to memory the exact place and time my husband spoke these words to me, ‘We won’t even consider having a child if you are going to devote your life to this eating disorder.’

His words stopped me dead in my tracks. My decision became my dedication to the illness or a child.

I want to extend a greeting to my son- an authentic teenager today! Happy Birthday Nicholas! I love you more than I love life itself…I can’t even conceive of a life without you~


"True strength lies in submission which permits one to dedicate his life, through devotion, to something beyond himself. "

By Henry Miller

40 comments:

welcome to my world of poetry said...

Great to read and a wonderful word.

Yvonne.

Old Kitty said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NICHOLAS!! Enjoy your extra special day! Yay! Take care
x

Bish Denham said...

Happy Birthday to your son! And blessing on you and your recovery. Obviously, you made the right choice.

Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

I worked with quite a few girls w/ EDs when I did probation. Such a struggle. I'm so glad you were able to see beyond yours and embrace motherhood :-) Happy 14th birthday to him!

Wanda's Wings said...

I too much like you have struggle with the same eating disorder. Wish your Son a Happy Birthday!

Melissa Bradley said...

Happy birthday to your amazing son and thank you so, so much for sharing this. I use food as a crutch and have been fighting this demon of being overweight my whole life. Your words are inspiring.

Gail said...

A wonderful D word, darling would be another.

Daisy said...

Happy birthday to your son! I hope he has a wonderful day. :)

Pa Ul said...

Wonder D waiting for your E.
Do check out my D at GAC a-z

SherryE said...

Happy Birthday, Nicholas! That's what I call powerful motivation!

lizy-expat-writer said...

Happy birthday Nicholas! and well done you.

Jeanie said...

Happy birthday to your son and congratulations to you. I admire your courage in dealing with your demons.

Journaling Woman said...

Awwww. And aren't you glad you chose the child?

T

Out on the prairie said...

Happy B day to your son. I met a lady with the same affliction and it dissolved our relationship.

TexWisGirl said...

a success, for certain.

Patricia Stoltey said...

This is a wonderful story, Tracy. I guess it boils down to wanting something so much you'll jump through flaming hoops to get it. Kids are worth it!

jen@ living a full life said...

I was deeply moved by your story Tracy. Happy birthday Nicholas!

Nancy Claeys said...

You are a testament to making changes when the reward is priceless. Happy Birthday to your son. :)

Tina Fariss Barbour said...

A wonderful post, Tracy. I'm so happy for your recovery. You show true devotion to your son and husband. Your story is a great illustration of "devotion."

And happy birthday to the teenager in the house!

farawayeyes said...

Wow! Amazing story and amazing quote.

DL Hammons said...

Good for you!!! And Happy Birthday Nicholas! :)

DL @ Cruising Altitude 2.0
Co-Host of the Blogging from A to Z Challenge.

Susan Roebuck said...

Happy birthday to Nicholas!!! I'm so glad you managed to overcome your hurdles and obstacles. Well done, you! (ps and I also stand by the phone when it's ringing and let someone else answer it LOL).
XXX Sue

Empty Nest Insider said...

Thank goodness you fought through it in order to have your wonderful son! Happy Birthday to Nicholas! P.S. Thanks for your encouraging comment today! Julie

M Pax said...

What a wonderful ending to a tragic disorder. I'm glad something triggered an end you could realize for you. Happy Birthday Nicholas.

EmptyNester said...

Your story must be truly amazing! I'm so glad it had such a positive result! Happy Birthday to your Nicholas!

Donna K. Weaver said...

Wonderful! Thanks so much for sharing this. You made me cry.

Lisa said...

Such an honest post. Sometimes it comes down to being honest and figuring out our priorities--thank you for your candor and authenticity.
Nice to meet you! And happy A to Z!

Jaime said...

This is a beautiful post. Thanks for being so open.

Robyn Campbell said...

Happy Birthday Nicholas!!!!! So glad you are better. Life is worth it. Thank you for being so candid. (((hugs)))

Manzanita said...

Happy Birthday Nicolas. That wasn't really a choice, after all, was it" Love, Manzanita

anthony stemke said...

A heartwarming post this. Happy for you.

Martha said...

Your final words are so true. There are many things I've done for my children that I wouldn't have done just for myself. Glad you overcame your ED!

Munir said...

Devotion is a beautiful "D" word.
I lost a bet with myself because I was one hundred percent sure that you would be writing about dogs.

Julie said...

What a beautiful post! Happy Birthday to Nicholas!! I love the wallet photo.

Kudos to you for overcoming your issues with food. I can imagine how much that has meant to your husband and son.

Hold my hand: a social worker's blog said...

This is a powerful and inspiring post. I love it.

Thank you for sharing, and happy birthday to Nicholas!!!!


Thank you for stopping by my blog and for your kind comment.

Doris

Tyrean Martinson said...

Beautiful post! Happy Birthday to Nicholas!

Damyanti said...

True strength lies in submission which permits one to dedicate his life, through devotion, to something beyond himself.--- so very very true.

Look forward to your challenge run…
--Damyanti, Co-host A to Z Challenge April 2012

Twitter: @AprilA2Z
#atozchallenge

Ishta Mercurio said...

Wonderful post. I love the quote at the end - and how wonderful that you were able to find the strength to dedicate yourself to something as wonderful as becoming a mother, and to break free from your former dedication to your illness.

Thank you for sharing this part of your story.

Cristina said...

wow, you just brought tears to my eyes with this post. Your husband is one wise man, and you are one strong woman.

D.G. Hudson said...

I sympathize with the struggle, my daughter has a chronic condition called CVS (cyclic vomiting syndrome). She's had it for about 12 years (age 16-28). I believe her problems started with bullying by an older girl. Nerves, stress, etc.

I have two posts on it on my second blog which isn't in on the A-Z Challenge. If you want to view them, here's the link to the page:

http://dghudson.blogspot.ca/p/cyclic-vomiting-syndrome-cvs.html

I'll let my daughter know about your blog, as well.