"D" is for Devotion.....

Today’s letter has a ‘dual’ purpose as you'll soon discover. As indicated, my theme for the month is:

Perceptions + quotes + reality = A to Z Challenge

Sorry the photo is blurry...I have kept this in my wallet for years as a reminder~

I’ve struggled with disordered eating most of my life from over-eating to fill a void, from anorexia, from bulimia. I’ve endured two in-hospital treatment programs and a day program. I only mention this so you comprehend the magnitude at which food controlled my life. I desperately embraced the eating disorder, particularly the bulimia staunchly and stubbornly like a child clutches a security blanket.

Enter my husband, Scott. We married in 1995. As months became years the yearning for a child was growing as I was approaching forty. Yet my mind-set persisted in being the obstacle; body image, intense fear of weight gain and the fixation on binging and purging.

I have committed to memory the exact place and time my husband spoke these words to me, ‘We won’t even consider having a child if you are going to devote your life to this eating disorder.’

His words stopped me dead in my tracks. My decision became my dedication to the illness or a child.

I want to extend a greeting to my son- an authentic teenager today! Happy Birthday Nicholas! I love you more than I love life itself…I can’t even conceive of a life without you~

"True strength lies in submission which permits one to dedicate his life, through devotion, to something beyond himself. "

By Henry Miller