My Life as a Dog....and Bath Day!

UH-OH!!! I knew I was in a dilemma when my family lured me into the lavatory with a biscuit and then proceeded to fasten the door; click… UGH, there was no escape! Big D. turned on the shower; doomed, I say. At least they afforded me the courtesy to allow me to finish my biscuit before they shoved me in that plastic box with the water that streams out of a metal tube. I tried to sneak my way out by going behind Nee Nee and laying up against her as if to say, ‘Please Nee Nee, don’t make me take a bath today….perhaps tomorrow!’

But Nee Nee threw me under the bus and detached herself so I was left unprotected. Betrayed, I sneaked to Little D and gazed pleadingly into his eyes, ‘I’ll take a bath later Little D…isn’t that what you always say to get out of something? …or was it, in a few minutes?’ He looked at me straight in the eyes and informed me I smelled so it had to be today. I SMELL??? Well, no one told me that. I SMELL?? I have a stench???? OH MY, I am so embarrassed, how could they not tell me? Really? Did all my friends that I greeted on my walk this morning think that? But I used my Doggie Deoderant, I promise...Oh Lord, how will I ever face them again?

As self-conscious as I was I tried the ‘sad puppy dog’ look, which really wasn’t far from the truth so I plopped down on the bathroom floor amidst all their echoes of demands and encouragement and put my head between my outstretched paws. I peeked at them. I raised one eyebrow to try as best as I could to give the impression of being pathetic, which I think I was being pretty successful because Big D approached, parked himself beside me and started stroking my ears…SUCKER! Then he calmly said, ‘Come on Hurricane, you won’t be so itchy after you’ve had your bath!’ well, he did have a point, I have been Mr. Itchy Scratchy lately. Okay…

So I summoned the courage to toddle pathetically toward the shower box with my head hung low and averted the gazes of my family, trying to invite all the sympathy I could muster. I know, I know, I love the ocean waters and enter quite readily, but that IS on my terms, understand? I longingly want to pretend I possess a tad bit of control here. Big D pushes me toward the spraying water by shoving me in the rump. Geez, have a little compassion for a guy. So I take the plunge so to speak and step into the synthetic room. Big D sprays me with the tepid water and we continue through the process of getting ‘the stink’ out of me and although it really does feel refreshing, I don’t want to let on that I feel like a million bucks.

Ahhh, I really love this toweling off…yeah, Big D. don’t forget the belly…oooohhhh. I perform a first-class shake and everyone takes cover: ‘Hurricane!’ they yell. Well, what do you expect! Then the bathroom door  releases and I sprint like a banshee through the house and each person steers clear until I exhaustedly settle on the bed with my family. ‘That wasn’t so bad, was it Hurricane?’ And it truly wasn’t, especially when we all end up on the bed together. They whisper sweet nothings to me and caress my sodden coat, anything to comfort my ego…

Ahhhh, I love this life….