Saturday, December 18, 2010

On this day...

On this day of your life, Tracy, we believe God wants you to know ... that letting go makes you wealthier~

Wealth is never measured by what you have, but by what you can give away. You are rich with money when you can afford to donate. You are rich with love when you can give love freely. You are rich with God when you can behold your enemy with compassion.

An incident occurred earlier in the school year that shook my very soul, rocked my world (read here) to say the very least. Being verbally raped by a colleague disturbed me beyond belief and it skewed my views of my entire world, more than ever my teaching that was once my sacred domain; that encounter robbed me of every ounce of confidence and assuredness I possessed replaced by fearfulness, deep sadness, and self-loathing. I entered a world of hiding, avoidance and self-destruction. (another writing)

Fast forward to today…my bags packed with a plethora of healing gear; my writing, reading, support of cherished friends and my loving husband, self-scrutinizing, etc…I’ve been blanketed with forgiveness. I am now able to talk with this individual. My heart no longer soars into my throat when I spot her in the vicinity, I can acknowledge her with a shadowed salutation and even engage in conversation at a more comfortable level linking eyes.

She’s no longer dressed with the veil of evil spirit she wore months ago and regardless of how she may view the connection between us, I for one, am wealthy beyond gold. Forgiving is not forgetting, but the truest gift I could bestow upon myself is regarding my enemy with compassion. Merry Christmas to me!

What wealth will you seek out this day, this week before Christmas?



33 comments:

~Kim at Golden Pines~ said...

Hello! I'm being plagued by really frustrating problems with blogger this week and have been unable to write comments into the comment space...so I hope this one makes it to you because I wanted to tell you that I've been in the same place that you have been. You are right, forgiveness is not forgetting, but it does help you to move on and the wound to heal.

Daisy said...

I like that -- wealth is measured by what you can give away. I never really thought about it that way before, but it makes perfect sense. Wishing you well.

Kimmy said...

Tracey you're blog has inspired me today. This last week before Christmas, the tension is high with a new job for hubby and inability to see what the future holds for us next yr. I know I need to stop thinking about what we don't have or are going to have to give up and start thinking about what we have to give. Thank you for sharing with us!

Kimmy said...

Why do I insist on putting an e in your name?? lol I'm sorry!

kenju said...

I have had several instances of similar "dressings-down"; not with coworkers, but with step-family and supposed friends. I will never forget, but I can forgive, although it is very hard to do. I like that you can be in her presence and not shrink from her.

texwisgirl said...

I admire your courage, your conviction and your forgiving heart. :)

Out on the prairie said...

I ask for health and happiness to all I know and have met. You are one of those people.
Steve

Catherine said...

I have everything I need this Christmas. My hubby, son and kitty, all snug and warm in our home.

Sending you warm hugs and best wishes Tracy!
xo Catherine

Nancy said...

I can't say I would be as forgiving as you, Tracy. I hold grudges longer than anyone I know. Just the way it is... I'm okay with it.

Today, I'm going to take a long walk and view the "wealth" of my land -- and hopefully take some worthwhile photos.

Have a great day!

The Words Crafter said...

Wow, that was a hard thing to move through. I'm so glad you realize that forgiving isn't forgetting. It's a choice. Good for you!

Mamma has spoken said...

I too have had this happen to me. After I have stepped away from the situation, I am able understand somewhat their point of view even though I don't agree with it. I think it's because we take pride in our ability to work with the students that no one knows what to do with and it hurts when others don't see what we see has what is the best way to do things. At least you are able to forgive. One instance I had took years and even to this date, I cringe when I have to go collaborate in that classroom.

JennyD said...

I swear, Tracy, strangest thing! I just wrote this very thought to another blogger the other day. Every once in a while I'll read something of yours and think, "Good gracious, she was there, too!" Yes, forgiveness is not forgetting, you couldn't be more right. And that's only because our brains remember everything regardless. But letting go and giving the idea over is another thing. To acknowledge that the other person is indeed only human is a great gift, and to tack on the note of "he/she knows not what they do" is even better. I'd wager that there are plenty of times, unbeknownst to each of us, that we need that forgiveness, too. Giving out a blessing of forgiveness is the same as getting the blessing back. I love it. xoxoxo

Old Kitty said...

Gosh. I'm truly sorry this happened to you (I just read your earlier post about this incident). I think your show of courage and forgiveness and understanding is just wonderful.

Hate truly poisons, forgiveness truly heals. Take care
x

Carol Riggs said...

Yes, forgiving is difficult, but it does make you wealthier. I'm glad this all worked out. :)

turquoisemoon said...

Tracy, I'm a firm believer(now)that it's possible to not only forgive, but possible...to somewhat forget. I've personally allowed my egoic brain, to summons up past hurts or comments. That brain chatter creates fuel for self doubt, insecutity, etc. today, over an incident that may have happened months or in one of my cases, years ago. There's a saying that goes something like this...Your enemies are your best teachers. Why is that??? Because we get an opportunity to learn about ourselves. You have a great weekend and enjoy making sugar cookies...I'm sure they'll be the best ever...
xoxox

Wanda's Wings said...

((((((Tracy)))))) What a pure heart.

Mildred said...

You are an inspiration. Thank you for sharing this. I wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas.

Julie Musil said...

Wow, that is wealth indeed. Forgiveness isn't easy, but yes, there's a whole story behind the other person we may not even consider. It's not always easy to see things that way. Thanks for this meaningful post.

Dianna said...

Love this ... I guess time really does "heal" somewhat. (It doesn't make us forget, just takes the edge off a bit.)
XO, girly!

Betsy from Tennessee said...

Oh Tracy, how could anyone be this way to someone as nice as you??? Makes me want to go and beat them up!!!!!! ha ha ....

I truly am sorry this has happened to you.. Seems like there are some people who thrive on hurting others... But--being able to FORGIVE is freeing... You are forgiving yourself --and giving yourself permission to let it go and move on. That's not easy I'm sure --and those 'feelings' will creep back in at times... Just keep on praying for strength..

I had a terrible experience in my last job... I finally retired early --and it was the best thing I could do in that situation. BUT--sometimes I cry thinking of all of the great experiences I had throughout my career--and for it to end like that...Forgiveness is there --but forgetting is NOT.

Merry Christmas my friend.
Hugs,
Betsy

Ginny said...

I have read all your posts on this and I am so sorry this ever happened!! I had almost the same thing happen to me several years ago, it was a horrible verbal attack that just shook me to the core! It literally made me shake. But time does heal all things, doesn't it? And there's this. Be so thankful that you were on the receiving end, and not the person who did that to you, she is the one one to feel sorry for if she acts like this! I would think she needs to read the book of James, be gentle with your speech and so forth. If we continue to dwell on this, it lets them have power over us, and it also eats away at us and lets them do even more damage to us. When God tells us to forgive everyone it is HARD at times like this!! Because we cannot forget, for one thing. But look how this has ultimatly turned into something beautiful, I mean with this beautiful story you have written to all of us about letting go! I think others will read this and be inspired by it and also take heart for their own situation, that there is healing! So you found a beautiful lesson in this whole thing, without becoming bitter and hardened, and given all of us this wonderful gift. Way to go!!!

"Professor" M. said...

Tracy, forgiveness is so powerfully healing, isn't it! Way to go being the bigger person. God does some really amazing things, doesn't he?

Simple Southern Happiness said...

Awesome post! Forgivness is what we have to have in our hearts, SO hard to do sometimes. YOU will show everyone around you the love of the lord with your forgivness.

Canyon Girl said...

Thank you for this thoughtful post. There is freedom in forgiveness and healing beyond measure.--Inger

LV said...

My sentiments exactly. I would much rather give than receive any day. I try doing something for someone each day. The value of any gift I receive is not what counts with me. My grandmother had so very little and no way to get to a store. Once a month someone took her to the grocery store. At Christmas, that is where she had to do her shopping. I treasured whatever she selected for me.

Tracy said...

Thank you one and all for the encouragement and support, as well as validating my actions. Interestingly enough, I recieved a Christams card in the mail today from 'said' person,
Forgiveness IS a very freeing gift I can give to myself and I'm truly glad I did.
I thank all of you for the kind words and the opprotunity to have you in my life~

Patty Ann said...

I have found that it is actually easier to forgive than to allow myself to be poisoned time and again with the action someone else took. I feel so much better about myself when I am not angry and hurt over someone else. I feel more free. I feel more in control. I feel more like a child of God. I also have been in a similar situation. I finally understood that I was giving that person control over my thoughts and feelings by not being willing to forgive them. I don't think forgiving means that you need to set yourself up for the same thing to happen to you, but I do think it means that you can't keep looking at the event or the person with anger in your heart. Why would I allow someone who put me though all of those awful things to have any say in my feelings or my actions. Once I realized that, I was able to free myself from the chains of bitterness and hate. You are so right. It is a wonderful gift to yourself!

Dianne said...

letting go and having compassion, even empathy is a healing experience
I love your snowy tree

Brian said...

You are certainly better off today due to that awful encounter. I always try to help others, it's my mission. Happy Merry almost Christmas!

Lightfeather said...

Similar thing has happened to me. It rocks your mind, soul and your body. Forgiveness is really a gift to yourself and you are now blessed forever. Thank you so much for this reminder today!

Talli Roland said...

Merry Christmas to you indeed! It sounds like you deserve it. Thank you for the thought and the reminder.

Rambling Dandelions said...

Tracy, this is what I wrote in my post last September 6:
"... I encounter opportunities to interact with people who have been hurtful toward me, and I find the need to forgive is irrelevant. They are locked in their own landscape and all I want to do is show compassion for them. Everything is not important, you see, only people are important. Having been locked in that horrible place myself, I realize that I can feel compassion for people who hurt me -- they are locked in their own difficult place, and they may end up never finding a way out."

What a sad thing that a person is so in pain themselves that they cannot find the heart to love. They scorch us with their misery and we are forced to deal, but compassion is the answer -- LOVE is the answer, and compassion is the truest form of love. It looks past the bared teeth and laid back ears to recognize the god spirit in each of us.

I am so happy for you. YAY! Merry Christmas! XO Kathie

Rural Rambler said...

Good Morning Tracy! This is a powerful post. I came here to thank you for your visit and found your blog to be a pleasure. And you are writing a book! How wonderful. I am glad you found me and I found my way here. I believe I will stay a bit and do some reading and get to know you! Nice to meet you.